Premarital Pastoring
Bruce Rowlison
I find couples open to building the best marriage they possibly can; my aim is to coach them toward that goal.
Bruce Rowlison
A psychologist once said to me bluntly, "Don't send me any more premarriage counseling. The couples aren't in crisis. They don't want to work on their relationship. They just want to get married. They are less in love than they are in heat. You keep them, Pastor."
I don't agree with his conclusion, but that conversation forced me to question my premarital ministry to couples.
Gradually I began to see myself as more of a coach than a counselor. A coach discovers and points out skills already there, then tries to motivate people to increase those skills and gain new ones. In premarital counseling, I find couples open to building the best marriage they possibly can; my aim is to coach them toward that goal.
Still, the couple's affection for each other is so intense it does periodically block the rational. They seem to float above my office couch, rather than sit comfortably on it. But in spite of all their anxiety and impatience, meaningful things happen in our times together.
Establishing a Relationship
I begin by building a friendship. I'm convinced learning increases as trust and respect are established. Plus, my God is personal. He knows me by name. So, I spend time getting acquainted.
Right at the beginning I tell them, "In order to personalize your wedding, I need to get acquainted with you both. Hopefully, the information we share will build our friendship, and I expect our relationship to continue beyond the wedding."
I begin with positive, easy questions: How did you meet? What have been some of the most enjoyable times you've had together? How did you come to the conclusion that this is the one you ...
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