Confronting Indirectly
Whom you would change, you must first love.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
One of the interesting discoveries of the Apollo space program was that somewhere between earth and the moon, the spaceship reaches a point where the moon's gravitational effect is greater than the earth's. The spacecraft is literally falling away from earth. The only way it will ever return to earth is to fire its engine to escape the moon's gravitational pull.
People, like spaceships, will also sometimes drift past the point of natural return. "You can almost feel it," said one counselor. "I would say more than half the people who come for counseling have already passed that point."
There seems to be a point where the person begins to act as if I'm going to do it my way no matter what anyone says. If you get right down to it, I'm going to do what I want even if God disapproves. I don't care.
What are some of the engine bursts needed to break the outward drift and propel people homeward? At this point, atmosphere alone is insufficient. Some kind of confrontation is needed — either direct or indirect. Since the indirect approach is easier on the adrenal glands, let's start there.
The Necessary Foundation
The first step is to develop a relationship with the person that he or she values. Without a relational base, prompting change proves difficult.
Often pastors pick up rumblings of problems from a third party who doesn't know if the claim is true or not. What to do? Become a detective? Ignore it until the person himself eventually decides to see you?
Most pastors begin by trying to establish or strengthen their personal relationship with the individual in question.
"I don't go around checking the validity of the story. But I do let the person know I care about him ...
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