Mastering Pastoral Care

ARTICLE TOOLS

Find similar articles E-mail this page

It's not saying the right things but listening in the right way that's crucial to personal visitation.
—Doug Self

I would see Ed and Elaine at church or in the community. They were friendly; I was friendly. But we didn't get into extended conversations. I had heard they were having serious marital problems. The wife, in fact, had inquired about counseling with me, but the husband had been restive.

I knew I wasn't going to take the initiative. At best, they would demand months of counseling. At worst, I feared that I couldn't help them at all.

So on we went: I knew, and they knew, and we all pretended that we didn't know. I sometimes felt guilty for not visiting them. Nonetheless, I put it off—for years.

My pastoral responsibilities include visitation. In fact, I've experienced some success in this part of ministry. But I still find myself apprehensive about visiting people.

Why? Because I'm afraid I won't say the right thing at the right time. Maybe I won't say the appropriate word to calm the grieving widow or counter the objection of the unbeliever, or know what to say during seemingly pointless conversation.

I can overcome such fear in one of two ways. I can learn to say always the right thing at the right time, but let's face it, that's never going to happen. Or I can realize that it's not saying the right things but listening in the right way that's crucial to personal visitation.

I'll take the latter, and not because it's easier. Actually, good listening can be grueling. But when I focus on listening to another, it takes the pressure off me. I become less concerned about me and more about the person I'm listening to. I don't come as an expert ready to spew forth, but as a learner seeking to discover.

When that's my attitude, ...

Like the preview? To read this complete article and 20,647 more in the archive—JOIN NOW! Easily find high-quality, well-researched materials that provide a Christian perspective on topics ranging from headlines to history. Start using this invaluable tool TODAY for preparing your Bible studies, presentations, class lectures, sermons, meetings, and more.
It's easy and quick to join: 2-for-1 Deal. Two powerful resources for 1 great price! A 1-Year Membership to CTLibrary & a 1-year print subscription to the magazine of your choice! Enjoy your first 7days online FREE! Only $49.95 1-Year Membership Plus your first 7 days are FREE! You won't be charged until after your free trial. Only $49.95 1-Month Membership Includes automatic renewal each month. Only $9.95 1-Year for Print Subscribers Special offer if you are currently a print subscriber to Christianity Today, Leadership journal, Books & Culture or Christian History & Biography. Only $29.95 first year Brought to You by Christianity Today Int'l		FREE e-Newsletter! Even if you're not a member you can take advantage of the free "CT Library" twice monthly e-newsletter! Sign up today for the FREE e-newsletter!   Note: Members also automatically receive this free e-newsletter.