Staying Close to Your Enemies
Gary D. Preston
January 1, 1997
There is something positive and healing about face-to-face contact with people at odds with us.
—Gary D. Preston
I was in my new pastorate for less than three months when one of the founding laymen took me to lunch.
"It seems to me," he started out, "and I've confirmed this with a number of other key people in the church, that you may not be the right person for this job after all." He pointed to a couple of insignificant (at least to me) changes I had made in the worship service and how that had offended some people involved in our music program.
"In fact," he warned, "there are a growing number of people who just plain don't like you or where you're leading the church. I'm not sure those people will remain in the church if you stay."
As a pastor, I must maintain healthy relationships with all the people in the church, even those with whom that is difficult. Put bluntly, "How do I shepherd people who don't like me? And whom I don't really like?"
Resist What Comes Naturally
In ministry, doing what comes naturally is often the best approach. When I am at the bedside of a hospital patient, with families at a funeral, or sharing the gospel with a nonbeliever, my pastoral instincts usually guide me in the right direction.
However, that's not true when it comes to pastoring difficult people. One of my natural responses is to distance myself from difficult people. I've learned to make it a point to seek out difficult people and spend a few moments talking together.
Recently a woman in our church let it be known that, in her opinion, I had acted out of anger and harshness. She voiced her criticism after she had sent me a letter apologizing for her role in the issue and commending me for the way I handled it!
When I saw her at a community ...
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