Transference: Loosening the Tie That Blinds
Archibald D. Hart
January 1, 1997
What we do with the attraction is what is important.
—Archibald D. Hart
If you were hungry for love, wouldn't it be nice to find someone who was well-educated, mannerly, articulate but also a good listener, respected in the community, occupationally powerful, yet unselfish, and willing to spend time alone with you for free?
Numbers of counselees think so. They come to a church office and find themselves in the presence of the kindest, most receptive, admirable, gentle, wise person they've met in a long time. The solution to their turmoil, they gradually realize, is not so much what the pastor is saying as the pastor himself.
In my classes for working clergy who are pursuing the D. Min. degree, I talk about this hazard, technically known as transference. (The client is projecting feelings and desires into the counseling relationship that belong somewhere else.) Each term the students write a response paper on how the course has related to their situation. Every time, 20 to 25 percent of them report transference as an actual problem they have faced in their ministries.
Countertransference, the even more distressing corollary, is when the counselor projects feelings and desires into the mix that belong elsewhere.
The Problem
At the outset, let me stress that an intimate relationship between a pastor and a church member does not always involve physical sex. Although such relationships have the potential to become sexual, they may remain as emotional attachments for a long time.
"I've been lonely," wrote one pastor, "and I cannot communicate with my wife. She doesn't understand how I feel. All she wants to talk about are the kids and her mother. I want to explore ideas, thoughts, and feelings. So I began to spend time with ____ after ...
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