Learning from the Pros
The more marriages break up, the more pastors seek for ways to teach survival tactics, especially to engaged couples. A few years ago Dennis Kooy, minister of First Christian Church in Vale, Oregon, added some unique homework to his premarital counseling: interview someone who's been married 50 years.
"I require each bride to talk to an elderly wife and each groom to talk to an elderly husband," says Kooy, who provides the following questions:
• What has allowed your marriage to work?
• What have you personally done to help the marriage?
• How have you handled difficulties in your marriage?
• What have you done when the going got rough?
• As you look back over the last 50 years, what times were the hardest?
• What advice would you give to someone like me?
"Nearly every young couple is scared to death at this assignment," reports Kooy, who has since moved to a church in Tillamook, Oregon. "They've never done an interview before. But when they come back, they're invariably excited. For many of them, It's the first time they've really studied a good pattern of marriage.
"They end up asking a lot of questions about the everyday things, especially money. Older people have some excellent things to say on that subject. Some of my counselees have even gone back on their own for a second visit."
Kooy insists on his requirement of 50 years or longer, even if it means sending the couple to a neighboring town. The elderly wife and the elderly husband do not necessarily have to be the spouses of each other, but both must still be married. And they enjoy the interview thoroughly. "Some have even called to thank me for the opportunity!" says Kooy.
"I've found that too many young couples searching for answers end up talking to other young couples ...
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