Senior Moments
Stephen K. Klotz
October 1, 2002
The first time I walked into a secured dementia unit, I wanted to slither away. Each resident seemed to be babbling, staring, or trying to remove clothing. Some of them drifted toward me, strange smiles pasted across their faces.
As a young pastor, I tended to avoid the old and the cognitively impaired. When I later became a retirement home chaplain, I had to care for the people I had feared and neglected.
At my first visit, I was rescued by a sympathetic staff person. She explained that these people were glad to see anyone, especially a minister. She introduced me to each person, helping me to see the faces of individuals behind the masks of dementia. She showed me how gently and eagerly they responded to simple questions and directions.
That started my learning. Here's how I now visit in such settings.
Check atmospheric signs
When I entered the dementia unit that first time, I felt overwhelmed by the unfamiliar (persons with dementia often feel the same way!). Now when I enter, I aim to sense what the resident feels.
What can I learn about the person I'm visiting, even before she notices me? I notice the atmosphere, the noise, activity, and the mood of the staff and visitors. I observe how rapidly she's breathing and the emotion in her eyes. I want to enter her world as an empathetic friend.
Too often, I've walked up behind an individual with dementia, loudly called his name, and scared him out of his wits. When I did this to Paul, he asked, "What did you have to scare me like that for?"
I had entered his world too abruptly. He felt disturbed and dishonored, and rightly so.
When I approached Eleanor the same way, she jumped sideways, put on an angry expression, and withdrew her arm from my touch.
Now I try to slow down to match ...
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