For Her Eyes Only
By Linda Riley
April 1, 1999
Kevin and Sue had just moved from another state. Seeking a church, they had to rely on their own impressions rather than a friend's invitation.
After visiting one church, Kevin was enthusiastic. "The worship style is just like we enjoyed back home," he told Sue. "The message really spoke to me. And did you see the calendar? They have an active young couples group."
"Yeah," Sue agreed. "But didn't you notice that people hardly spoke to each other? I felt tension in the air. The message was good, but the pastor appeared strained. Only the ushers greeted us, and they were pretty grim. I'm not sure they really want new members right now."
Once she pointed out the signs, Kevin recognized them. He took seriously Sue's knack for discerning substantial issues through observation. Their search continued.
Churches that plan to attract and keep visitors must consider how women's perceptions and priorities differ from men's. A couple's decision to join a church is often based on the wife's impressions, instincts, and intuitions. Here are some key areas that you may not be monitoring—but should.
Do they care for each other?
While men may focus on the relevance of the message and the quality of programing, women often assess the emotional climate of a congregation. They notice body language. Are people greeting one another with hugs, handshakes, or barely a nod? Is there interaction during the service, or is everyone rigidly staring straight ahead? Are arms crossed across the chest or stretched across the back of the pew? Are facial expressions open and warm or closed and cautious? Bodies say what lips won't.
Notice the level of interaction between the pastor and congregation. Is the pastor making eye contact, smiling occasionally, referring ...
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