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April 1, 1998
When You're Asked to Bury a Stranger
What to say about someone you've never met
As I drove to the funeral home all I knew about this man was that he was a farm hand. I wondered, "What can I say about someone I've never even met?"
Since that day, I have been called upon to bury several more strangers, and I've learned to:
1. Acknowledge the truth: "I didn't know Mrs. Burris."
2. Help unlock the memories of those gathered: "But you did know her." Then lead a series of prayerful statements to draw out people's memories:
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Do you remember the sound of her voice on the telephone?
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Do you remember how she looked in her wedding pictures?
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Do you remember how she sat in her favorite chair?
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Do you remember the way she blushed when she was embarrassed?
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Do you remember the way she spoke your name?
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Do you remember her standing at the kitchen sink?
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Do you remember the feel of her hand in yours?
And so on. Try to evoke memories most common to human experience and not those that may be painful (e.g., "Do you remember how she looked when she was angry?")
Those people who cannot remember will not be offended. Those who can may be wonderfully blessed. There is a kind of resurrection that takes place in remembering. As one Presbyterian minister said about his grandmother, "It was like she was right there, in front of me, alive and well."
6 SPIRITUAL NEEDS OF AMERICANS
What people want that churches can give
George Gallup, Jr., after decades of research, has listed the top spiritual needs of people today:
- To believe that life is meaningful and has a purpose.
- To have a sense of community and deeper relationships.
- To be appreciated and respected.
- To be listened to.
- To feel they are growing in faith.
- To get practical help in developing a mature faith.
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