Staying Close to your Enemies
Gary D. Preston
April 1, 1997
I was in my new pastorate for less than three months when one of the founding
laymen took me to lunch.
"It seems to me," he started out, "and I've confirmed this with a number
of other key people in the church, that you may not be the right person for
this job after all." He pointed to a couple of insignificant (at least to
me) changes I had made in the worship service that offended some people in
our music program.
"In fact," he warned, "a growing number of people don't like you or where
you're leading the church. I'm not sure those people will remain in the church
if you stay."
As a pastor, I must maintain healthy relationships with all the people in
the church, even those with whom that is difficult. Put bluntly, "How do
I shepherd people who don't like me? And whom I don't really like?"
Resist what comes naturally
In ministry, doing what comes naturally is often the best approach. At the
bedside of a hospital patient, with families at a funeral, or when sharing
the gospel with a non-believer, my pastoral instincts usually guide me in
the right direction.
That's not true, however, when it comes to pastoring difficult people. One
of my natural responses is to distance myself from difficult people. I've
learned to make it a point to seek out difficult people and spend a few moments
talking together.
Recently a woman in our church let it be known that, in her opinion, I had
acted out of anger and harshness. She voiced her criticism after
she had sent me a letter apologizing for her role in the issue and
commending me for the way I handled it!
When I saw her at a community event a few days later, she walked past me
without saying more than "Hello." I could have let it pass and rationalized
that ...
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