I Don't Have Any Friends
Mike Yaconelli
July 1, 1996
I came to a startling revelation a few months ago. I don't have any friends.
I don't. I have a lot of acquaintances but, other than my wife, I really
have no close friends.
I've had some friends in the past, but not many. Eventually something
happened-nothing sinister, just something like moving, having a baby, changing
jobs, building a home, going back to school, changing churches. Nothing bad
or wrong, just something that happened-and the next thing I knew, another
friendship slowly eroded.
There are half a dozen guys whom I consider to be close, caring people I
always look forward to being with. They are people who accept me as I am.
But a close friend? Nope. Not one.
I have been wondering why for a long time. After some painful soul-searching,
I think I have discovered the reasons.
My busy-ness myth
I am too busy. I am gone too much, travel too much, speak too much, and work
too much. I have done an excellent job of convincing the people around me
that I am too busy—too busy doing the important work I am doing—to have
any time for friendships. In other words, I have convinced them to buy into
the myth of my busy-ness to such a degree that the possibility of my being
their friend (or their being mine) never enters their mind.
You see, people don't want to impose. They don't want to rob my wife and
me of the few moments we have together, so they enable us by staying away
so we can be even busier.
This week I am speaking in England, next week New York, the week after that
Hawaii, then Australia, then Dallas, then Vancouver. Then I come home for
a few days, exhausted, jet-lagged, useless to everyone around me while my
body and mind adjust to the new and unfamiliar surroundings—my ...
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