Common Sense Counseling
A layman offers useful insights on effective counseling.
Fred Smith
October 1, 1981
We hear a great deal today about the pressure on the church for counseling. As a layman, I am often approached personally for counsel, and I've come to a number of conclusions about making it effective.
Probe for the True Motive
The first thing I want to know when someone comes to me is motive. Why are they really there? Are they coming for counsel, or just for contact? Some people come supposedly for advice, but it's just their way of getting reassurance. Others want reinforcement for their own ideas, not counsel that can help them face their problems.
For instance, a young man walked into my office one Saturday morning as I was trying to finish off the week's work. He hadn't made an appointment; he just walked in and said, "I want to tell you about myself." I felt it was my Christian responsibility to listen for at least a bit, but all he did for an hour was emotionally vomit, and I sensed he had no desire to do anything more.
I was thoroughly frank with him. "It seems to me you're more anxious to castigate your parents than to solve your problems." The next Saturday morning, he walked in again and repeated his performance. I asked, "Specifically, what have you done since last Saturday to solve your problem?" He replied, "Well, I've done nothing because of my mother and father." Here was a man in his thirties who had done nothing in seven days to solve his problem other than pour out his bile all over me. Now, this is the only time in my life I've ever done this, but I reached over and picked up a New Testament, put it into his hand, and said, "Read it. The whole thing. Don't come back to this office until you've read it cover to cover. When you've read it, I'll be glad to talk to you again." He never returned, and I'm sure ...
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