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LeadershipThe Calling
Fall 2003

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Currents Shaping My Soul: Why Do They Love/Hate Me?
Attitudes toward a pastor emerge from deep, dark sources.



People respect leaders. People resist leaders. They love pastors; they hate pastors.

Why this alternating current?

It's fairly easy to understand why people love pastors: the comforting word, help in time of need, biblical instruction. What perplexes and frustrates us are the many reasons people resist pastors, for these objections generally lie hidden in dark subterranean chambers of the soul.

I've gone spelunking of late and brought specimens to the surface. See how many of these reasons for resistance you recognize:

"I know you can bring the changes we need—growth, vision, structure. But I don't like the discomfort you cause when those things produce disruption and tension."

"I had hoped you would be a special friend to me, but you don't have enough time for me, and I don't have enough objectivity to realize my expectation was unrealistic."

"I used to have more power before you came" or "I have power, and you don't, and I want to keep it that way."

"You remind me of (pick one) a former pastor, my spouse, an abusive father, or someone else who hurt and disappointed me."

"You're gone too much" or "You don't pick up the phone when I call."

"I'm really passionate about Issue X, and you're not as passionate about that as I am."

"I'm mad at God, and you're the nearest representative of God I know."

"I desperately needed you when I went through that traumatic, embarrassing time in my life. And I opened up to you. But now you know the slime in my life, and knowing that you know, I feel uncomfortable around you."

As spiritual leaders, we're often not prepared for the resistance, the anger. Sometimes it's justified, but sometimes it's unjustified, undeserved, and unspoken.

Few members possess the self-awareness to say something like, "I'm moving ...



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