A Graceful Goodbye
July 1, 2002
We were at a "going away" party given in our honor as we prepared to move cross-country where I had taken a new job. As the party wound down, a good friend stopped by on his way out and casually said, "My prayer for you is that you end well and start well." I thanked him. It was not until later, reflecting on the night's activities, that I remembered Gary's comment. The more I thought about it, the more it stirred me. What does it mean to end well? I began to collect the lessons, suggestions, and wisdom others had learned from leaving. I offer a few that frequently emerged as wise and helpful. Now thank we all
Perhaps the first lesson in ending well is to be generous in your praise, quick to offer a blessing, and thorough in your expressions of appreciation to those you leave behind. One of the goals of any ending should be to identify those who have given to you, supported you, or partnered with you. In specific ways, remind and thank them for their gifts of service, kindness, and love. This is particularly true of the people at the margins of our lives who often get the least recognition. The janitor who kept the office clean, the waitress who faithfully attended to our needs, the mailman or others who provide faithful but under-recognized service. But it also includes the central characters in our lives-our close colleagues, neighbors, and friends. When I finished my Ph.D., I wrote my high school English teacher a long thank-you note for the contribution he had made to my love of learning. He quickly wrote back, commenting how few of these notes he had received during his career, leaving him to wonder sometimes "if it was worth it." "Your letter," he wrote, "reenergized me and will keep me going for a long time." Appreciation ...
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