Well With My Soul
WHEN I WAS THIRTY-FIVE, I was asked to be host for a well-known preacher who was the featured guest at a conference. My job was to transport him to and from his speaking engagements. During one session of the conference, this "pulpit prince" said that most ministers he knew lived with a deep sense of desperation. That statement did not square with what I knew of my acquaintances and friends who were pastors. Was he simply using hyperbole? Later, when we were in the car together, I asked him to elaborate on his comment. As I listened intently, it became clear to me that desperation was a factor not only in the lives of his friends but occasionally visited his own soul as well. At the time, I simply could not grasp the concept of desperation, much less why someone of his stature would struggle with it. I do now. He was nearly fifty years old, and, without intending to, he summed up the spiritual plight of the middle-aged pastor—loneliness of soul. Mid-life can bring a string of losses, and these can trigger loneliness. It can seem as though all our dependable supports, the foundations upon which we have come to count, are knocked out from under us. We lose the youthful energy that allowed us to stay up all night to prepare for a major presentation and still appear fresh the next day. Our body does not bounce back the way it used to, and we can no longer cover our lack of preparation with youthful passion. An overly enthusiastic fifty-two-year-old can come across as an aging vacuum cleaner salesman. Nor can we rely on family the way we used to. When we arrive home in the evening, the kids are either out or busy with their own interests. Our spouse has a life of her own, too. And the congregation that supports a young pastor ("He's ...
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