Death of a Spouse Quickscan
Because my grief seems quiet and apart,
Think not for such a reason it is less.
True sorrow makes a silence in the heart,
Joy has its friends, but grief its loneliness. Robert Nathan Till death do us part": When the wedding vows are spoken, it might as well read "forever," because death seems but a remote possibility for the young. But forever eventually comes, and when it does, the tight knot tied at the wedding is severed, leaving frayed ends in need of binding. Gone is the dear companion, the keeper of books, the vacation partner, the purchaser of groceries, the maker of dinner, or the fixer of cars. Gone is the one who shares sunsets or midnight diaperings or pet jokes or holiday traditions. Gone. In one final moment, it's all gone, to be replaced by grief, a miserable substitute. The First Moments
There is no good way to tell someone a spouse has died. Police dread death notices. Doctors hate announcing a failure. Friends feel incapable. That's why the chore often falls on pastors, who dislike it no less than anyone else but have the heart and will to do it anyway. Several years ago the mayor of Greenwood, Indiana, a committed member of Community Church, volunteered to fly three missionaries to Chicago in his private plane. At the airstrip he slipped on the tarmac and fell into the path of the propeller. He was killed instantly. Charles Lake, his pastor, was delegated to notify the family. "In death notices," he says, "I've found it's good to be direct and clear, as well as caring and concerned. I say something like, 'I'm here because your husband has been involved in an accident.' Not mentioning death in the first sentence seems to cushion the blow and allow a split second to prepare. Normally the wife will ask, 'How is ...
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