I Need to Change
The worst sin is prayerlessness. Overt sin or crime or the glaring inconsistencies which often surprise us in Christian people are the effect of this or its punishment. We are left by God for lack of seeking Him.
P. T. Forsyth1
We are not free to pray or not to pray, nor to pray only when we feel so inclined. For prayer is not an activity which is natural to us. Prayer is a grace, and we can expect this grace only from the Holy Spirit.
Karl Barth2 Before any habit can be broken or formed, we need to become convinced that change is necessary. Until then, nothing will happen. The natural inclination of our psyches is to maintain the status quo. Something needs to happen to get us off dead center. What can move us off dead center? Often the happening is the result of an accumulated unhappiness at the way life is going.3 Other times it's a specific incident, something we read, or a friend finally setting us straight. Theophan the Recluse wrote at length about what it takes to incite change. Change begins "the moment your heart starts to be kindled with divine warmth. But you must realize that this kindling cannot take place in you while the passions are still strong and vigorous. Passions are the dampness in the fuel of your being, and damp wood does not burn. There is nothing else to be done except to bring in dry wood from outside and light this, allowing the flames from it to dry out the damp wood, until this in its turn is dry enough to begin slowly to catch alight."4 The "dry wood" brought in from the outside differs from person to person. Some of us require oak logs; others of us are warmed by birch. The following four accounts illustrate quite different ways in which the recognition of our inherent need for prayer becomes ...
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