Deepening Your Ministry Through Prayer and Personal Growth

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I'll never forget the relief I felt when my wife said, "I just want a spiritual companion, not a leader."
—Louis McBurney

A sick feeling takes over the pit of my stomach. The pastor's wife I'm counseling has just brought up a topic I'd rather avoid. Nancy is registering hurt at the hands of her pastor-husband—and nailing me in the process.

"I remember how excited I was when we fell in love, and I realized I was going to be married to a minister," she says. "I had always prayed for a godly husband, a man who would be a spiritual leader for me and our children. I was sure Joe would be God's answer to those prayers. We even prayed together on our dates. It gave me such a secure feeling.

"I just don't know what happened. After we married, all of that stopped. Oh, sometimes we still pray together or read the Bible, but only if I insist. That doesn't feel right. I want him to take the leadership for our spiritual life together."

I'm gulping hard and nodding knowingly—too knowingly. I've heard my wife echo similar concerns. One of my frequent failures: not taking initiative for spiritual closeness in marriage.

Why is spiritual intimacy with my wife so easy to avoid?

I've discovered I'm not alone. Most of the ministers we counsel at Marble Retreat also struggle with this problem. Some common explanations have emerged.

The first is the professional exhaustion defense. It goes something like this: "I have to keep up this mask of religiosity almost all the time. From morning till night I'm 'the minister.' I can't just be me. I'm always the one called on to pray everywhere I go. The only other guy who has prayed at Kiwanis in the past four years is Father O'Roarke. Men in the locker room at the health club apologize for cussing ...

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