 |  Becoming more things to more people?
Fall 2000
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Confront without Affront
October 1, 2000
The notion of confronting someone used to leave me tongue-tied. But during my eight years in corporate management, I found that most people, when confronted in the right way, accepted correction and were grateful for help in approaching people or tasks in a more productive way.
While filling in as children's pastor, I placed Joanne (names throughout have been changed) in charge of a particular program. Soon, though, her enthusiasm turned to frustration and she became increasingly short with people. So I met with her.
"Joanne, your passion for children's ministry shows in the way you're tackling this job," I said. "How do you feel about what you're doing?"
"It seems people avoid me when I head their way," she said with a bemused smile. That was the opening I needed.
"Joanne," I said, "I think some are trying to avoid you. I've heard from a few that they felt you ordered them to help in your area. I know you asked, but I think what they're hearing is 'You have to help.'"
With guilt and shame she said, "I feel terrible that they think I ordered them around. I'm certain that I asked them."
"How were you feeling when you talked to them?"
"Frustrated," she said.
"Joanne, when I'm passionate about something and others don't seem to share my passion, I get frustrated, too. I think we're much alike in this way. I've had to learn to really listen to what I say and how I say it. Otherwise, I find myself demanding instead of asking. Perhaps that's what happened here. You're very valuable to our children's ministry. I'm sure that once parents know your heart they will want to help. Would you do me a favor and try to really listen to how you ask people for help?" I hoped I had pointed her in a positive direction.
"I'll try," she said.
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