10 Rules for Respect
July 1, 1999
When I came to this church five years ago, many of my board members had grandchildren older than I was. Most of the rest had children my age. At age 23, I was their pastor. That was intimidating. I was told by a mentor that I would have to have some rules of the road for communicating with my congregation. How would I get people so much older than I to talk to me rather than among themselves? The list I drew up has evolved into ten principles that have transformed the way our church communicates. They now form a covenant signed each year by all the leaders, including me. - If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
- If I have a problem with you, I'll come to you (privately).
- If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I'll do the same for you.)
- If someone consistently will not come to me, say, "Let's go to the pastor together. I am sure he will see us about this." (I will do the same for you.)
- Be careful how you interpret me—I'd rather do that. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
- I will be careful how I interpret you.
- If it's confidential, don't tell. (This especially applies to board meetings.) If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless (a) the person is going to harm himself/herself, (b) the person is going to physically harm someone else, © a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
- I do not read unsigned letters or notes.
- I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you. Do not let others try to manipulate me through you. I will not preach "at" you on Sunday mornings. I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (he does it better anyway).
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