What I Wish I'd Known Before I Quit
January 1, 1998
I can't be your pastor anymore. I'm sorry." My tiny congregation stared back in shock. Those leaders who had already heard the news had moved beyond shock to become hurt and unhappy, but I didn't care. My sense of failure disqualified me to be their pastor. What had been an exciting personal dream just five years before was now a shredded "might have been," flapping in the lonely wind of unrealized expectations. In 1985, I had moved to this promising new community to start a church. My father had pastored a successful church plant; I reasoned I was fit for the same kind of work. The first setback came immediately. I had expected forty people for the inaugural worship service; only fourteen showed up. Not until I decided to leave did our church consistently average forty in attendance. The low figure was not because of a lack of hard work. I was naive. I didn't know as much as I'd thought I did, and ministry was much harder than I had anticipated. I'd never taken "Resignation 101" in seminary. The whole issue was never really discussed. I just knew that everything I tried had apparently failed. I had dreamed of reaching the masses; we reached only a few. I had dreamed of being sought as an expert in church growth; I was sought only by my wife for a ride home from work. I dreamed of initiating creative ministries; I had cerebral lock-up soon after I took the position. I imagined nice, respectable families joining my church; our first addition was a young woman who had recently completed a tour of duty as an exotic dancer. I wanted to need no one; I grew deeply infected with need. So I quit. I did so without a sense of God's approval. I didn't care. I was disappointed and hurt. My ministry gas tank was dry, so I coasted into ...
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