Doctors of Spin January 1, 1996
A district superintendent often assists local churches in their search for new pastors. If the D.S. calls you as a potential candidate, the D.S. will try to give you a feel for the congregation. To help pastors translate these assessments, we submit the following list: When the District Superintendent says, "I just need someone to go in there and love the people." What the D.S. means is, This group is on the verge of a major church split. D.S. SAYS: "This church simply needs an injection of new life." D.S. MEANS: The senior adult class constitutes 90 percent of the membership. D.S. SAYS: "There's a good core of young marrieds in the church." D.S. MEANS: The young marrieds Sunday school class has been going for 42 years, and they haven't bothered to change their name. D.S. SAYS: "This congregation has an involved, well-mobilized laity." D.S. MEANS: They've demanded recall votes of the last six pastors. D.S. SAYS: "With a little bit of time, this church could bust loose." D.S. MEANS: The most cantankerous church boss is experiencing health problems and may die soon. D.S. SAYS: "This church offers a competitive salary package." D.S. MEANS: It's on par with what the cashier at Wal-Mart makes. D.S. SAYS: "This church features uplifting music." D.S. MEANS: The organist is so bad she makes your hair stand on end. D.S. SAYS: "The building is highly visible." D.S. MEANS: The property is located so far off the beaten path that there's open space for miles around. D.S. SAYS: "The leadership is very, very stable." D.S. MEANS: The last time there was turnover on the church board was during the Eisenhower administration D.S. SAYS: "You won't believe the benefits." D.S. MEANS: There are none. D.S. SAYS: "I know you're the one for the job." D.S. MEANS: Please ...
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