When Trust Has Been Shattered
April 1, 1996
Trust is essential for healthy relationships. Erik Erikson proposed that establishing trust is the primary step in psychological development. When trust is eroded or shattered, it is difficult but possible to rebuild it. ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROBLEM
Often, when we have been deeply hurt, fear of confrontation may cause us to withdraw from the relationship. Facing the offending person and verbally expressing the disappointment, anger, and demolished sense of trust is important. The other person may be blind to the consequences of his or her behavior. I've counseled with people who couldn't imagine why a child or parent or sibling had suddenly broken off contact. It never occurred to them that something they had done led to that response. Confronting the issue also relieves some of our distress. It puts issues in the open where they can be discussed, and (if I understand Jesus) it's scripturally commanded. CHOOSE TO FORGIVE
Whenever trust is broken, you have a difficult choice: harbor your hurt and reinforce your mistrust, or forgive the other person. I strongly recommend forgiveness. It is far less emotionally expensive than bitterness, which consumes great globs of our neuronal energy and cortical storage space. I'm a fortunate man. I've been forgiven so often that I can't cast the first stone. When I focus on my own breeches of trust, I must forgive others when they follow my example and break trust with me. VERBALLY COMMIT
Saying you want to rebuild the trust is risky. The person may reject your offer with a defensive denial of wrongdoing. Worse, he or she may treat your offer with disdain. However, if expressed as a sincere desire for relationship and not as a self-righteous offer, I believe your commitment can be heard. It may have ...
Please complete one of the following:
If you're a Leadership journal subscriber...
...but have not yet registered for online access to CTLibrary.com, you can receive a full-year's access for just $29.95!
Register Here | | If you're NOT a Leadership journal print subscriber...
You're entitled to a special, introductory offer for new subscribers only! Subscribe now and receive a one-year Leadership journal print subscription and one-year access to all Leadership archives for just $39.95!
Subscribe now!
When you log in as a Leadership Journal subscriber, you'll see additional articles noted as premium content only available to CTLibrary.com members. To access the entire CTLibrary requires a CTLibrary subscription. If you would prefer this option, select the offer below that best fits your needs.
|
Like the preview? To read this complete article
and 18,013 more in the archive—JOIN NOW!
Easily find high-quality, well-researched materials that provide a Christian perspective on topics ranging from headlines to history.
Start using this invaluable tool TODAY for preparing your Bible studies, presentations, class lectures, sermons, meetings, and more.
|
It's easy and quick to join:
Brought to You by Christianity Today Int'l |  |
|
| 
Find similar articles
E-mail this page
