Sexual Dilemmas Summer 1995

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(In the following true account, names and some identifying details have been changed.)

He's going to smother me. Cari's face was pressed against Pastor Roland's chest so tight she thought her mascara would smudge his starched white dress shirt. He seemed so huge--like a jumbo Santa Claus without the beard.

When he released his patented bearhug, he said, "See you Wednesday in my office," and turned to talk with the family behind her.

Cari left Meadowbrook Church feeling a little better than when she arrived. She always felt drawn to Pastor Roland's large, warm presence. He wasn't the senior pastor at Meadowbrook, but Cari thought he should be. He was the pastor everybody saw when they needed pastoral care. He was the grandfather, the statesman who balanced out Jesse, the younger, more intense senior pastor.

On Wednesday Cari emptied a box of Kleenex telling Pastor Roland her life story--her alcoholic father who sexually abused her until her twelfth birthday, her abbreviated first marriage, and her collapsing second. Throughout the story, Pastor Roland softly shook his head.

"I admire your strength," he said. "With all you've been through, I'm amazed you're not in a psych ward somewhere. God has given you supernatural strength."

Cari didn't feel strong but drew strength from his words. He really seemed to understand. Pastor Roland closed with a verse from Revelation 21--"He will wipe every tear from their eyes"--and with a prayer.

"I think we should see each other again," he said. "Set up another appointment with my secretary on your way out. Are you involved in our support group for the sexually abused?"

"I'm not all that comfortable in group situations," Cari replied.

"I highly recommend it." Pastor Roland rose to his towering height ...

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