The Danger of Wanting to Preach Well
Harry Farra
April 1, 1990
"I've never confessed this before to anyone," a pastor once told me, "but I hate preaching." Using his tie as a handkerchief, he wiped his eyes. "Yet I love serving God," he continued. "To those who enjoy preaching, I must sound like some kind of freak." "You are not alone," I said confidently, because I've had the same feeling. Some ministers lose sleep prior to Sunday's sermon, literally get migraine headaches and feel nauseous as the event approaches. Sunday afternoon they suffer a range of emotions, from despair to self-hate. But migraines and despair are only symptoms of a deeper problem: the need to preach with excellence, or even better. Theodore Isaac Rubin's book Compassion and Self-Hate provides help for those driven by the demands of preaching. He writes of his own struggles to become a great lecturer who "wowed" people. At the end of lectures, however, he knew only head-aches and intense ego-aches. Rubin's understanding of his complex reactions is handily adapted to preachers. He distinguishes between those who participate and those who perform. Participants are fully involved in their presentations. They throw themselves into their topic, yet they are themselves as they speak. They allow their limitations to show, and they do not recriminate themselves for doing so. Performers aren't exhibitionists, but they speak in a way that does not fit their personalities. They "perform" because they are self-conscious, afraid of derision by others, and try to hide their limitations. Before accepting his limitations, Rubin expected a brilliant performance of himself every time he lectured. "I was split three ways. One of me was lecturing; one of me was watching me; and one of me was watching the audience," Rubin concluded. Self-hate ...
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