Spittin' Out Peas: When the Question is Control
Sometimes people won't swallow an idea because they don't like the taste of it. But often there's another issue.
Jim Spickelmier
April 1, 1989
A child psychologist was on television talking about why little children spit out their peas or dump over their Cream of Wheat.
"Sometimes the issue is that they really don't like the taste of peas," she said, "and sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with peas at all. Sometimes it is a matter of the child asserting his or her independence. Children become frustrated with doing what mother tells them to do, and they want a way to express their autonomy. If mothers can understand that," she said, "then they can respond to the real issue and better help their children."
As I listened, I thought about our church's struggle over whether to renovate the sanctuary, build a new one, or move to a new location, and I suddenly understood that some of the struggle wasn't over building or location at all, but over the issue of control.
What a Control Issue Looks Like
One time I was introduced to a control issue after an excellent Christmas program by our children's choir. An angry elder faced me. "It is terrible," he said, "that we haven't had a children's Christmas program."
That perplexed me. I thought we had just come from one.
As we talked further, I saw he was making a distinction between the choir program and the traditional Sunday school program. New leaders in the children's area had replaced the traditional program with the choir performance. But this elder wanted the old-fashioned program with children saying memorized verses and everyone involved-not just those with musical talent.
We thought he had a valid point, so the next year we planned two children's programs: the old-fashioned kind and a contemporary choral drama. Not until the two programs were being rehearsed did I find out the deeper issue in this dispute. The children's ...
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