GRIEF AFTERCARE
When you leave the graveside, care for the family has only begun.
Kevin E. Ruffcorn
October 1, 1989
Things are going pretty well, I thought as I hung my alb and stole in the closet. I had just completed the funeral for Stan Conners, the second funeral in the congregation to which I had moved recently. As I adjusted my collar and slipped into my sport coat, I ran through a mental check list: The soloist sang well, I felt good about my sermon, and the family was pleased with the service. I had accomplished my goal of providing spiritual comfort.
A comment two days later forced me to question that assumption.
I stopped by the house of a young widow. Three years earlier this woman's husband had died of a sudden heart attack. She shared her memories: finding her husband slumped over the wheel of the car in the garage, telling her school-aged children their father was dead, beginning the struggle as a single parent.
She observed, "The pastor and the church didn't minister to my greatest needs. Oh, the pastor saw me right after the death, and he met with me before the service. He said a few words at the funeral. But I never saw him again in regard to my husband's death. After the first week, no one from the congregation visited with us concerning our grief. My real struggles with my husband's death didn't begin until two weeks after the funeral, and by then, everyone was out of sight."
We parish pastors usually have a significant pre-death ministry with families. In a majority of situations, death stalks its victim slowly, allowing us to walk with the family through the valley of the shadow of death. Our ministry is important and welcomed.
Other times, death pounces without warning: the sudden, massive heart attack, the middle-of-the-night fatal accident. In these situations we provide emergency spiritual care, visiting with the family ...
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