Ministry to the Infertile
Beth Spring
July 1, 1988
Alex and Susan skipped the morning session of the couples' retreat and huddled close in another room, sharing a secret grief. They were childless, but not by choice-one of approximately ten million couples in the United States who struggle with infertility. Away from the distractions of daily life, their sorrow had engulfed them. The standard opening question of practically every conversation at the couples' retreat had been, "How many children do you have?" When that question arises, particularly in Christian circles, the infertile-an estimated one in six couples-have several choices, as my husband and I have learned over the last seven years. They may honestly admit their difficulty and risk receiving unsolicited advice. "Just relax" and "Adopt, and then you'll get pregnant" are two bromides frequently offered. The infertile, on the other hand, may cold-shoulder the questioner out of pure self-defense, leaving a mistaken impression that they are unfeeling, selfish, or uninterested in children. It is not easy to explain, in a few sentences, all the complicated waves of emotion affecting couples who either cannot conceive or cannot carry a pregnancy to term. Almost without exception, couples experience infertility as a deep spiritual, emotional, and marital crisis. Stepping Stones, a newsletter for infertile couples published in Wichita, Kansas, articulates the spiritual questions plaguing these couples: "Self-concept, self-image, the very basis of our masculinity and femininity, all seem jeopardized by infertility. Since we have been taught that children are a gift from God, and we haven't received that gift, we examine ourselves by asking: Am I being punished? Would I be a bad parent? If God isn't going to give me a child, ...
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