LEARNING THE HARD WAY
Gregory P. Elder
April 1, 1988
After finishing my first term as an assistant clergyman, working under the direction of an older (and wiser) minister, I listed a few of the mistakes I found myself making in my early days. And here's what I'm trying now to avoid. 1. Allowing a small number of people to take up large amounts of time. Somewhere I picked up the idea that an hour-long appointment means sixty minutes, but not everyone in the church sees it that way. There are some genuinely needy people who need to see us and unwittingly take advantage of our time. These are the souls who come about one problem and end up telling their life story and a number of religious and political opinions. When they find out we're available to listen to such ramblings, they show up frequently. Yes, some problems take a long time to discuss, and some people need more than an hour. But most need either a second appointment later on or a resolute hand to the door when the time is up. This requires firmness, and it is not easy to do without feeling rotten. But ask yourself if they would have this much to say to a psychologist or a lawyer who was charging them by the clock. 2. Allowing dependency relationships to form. It is easy to be flattered into thinking "I am the only person who can really help" (or convert or heal or counsel or . . .). Needy people often encourage this attitude; they may even believe it themselves. And the newly ordained are quite vulnerable to this since we long to be of service. But this, too, is vanity, for ministry is something that belongs to the entire church. There are a few people who will have a singular relationship to the pastor, but most people can be helped by any number of competent, caring persons. When we develop a string of people who can ...
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