KEY QUESTIONS IN MARITAL COUNSELING
Most second marriages fail, but helping couples face the issues squarely improves their chances for success.
Randy Christian
April 1, 1988
Jack and Lois wanted to get married. They also believed God wanted them married. Jack had been divorced five years earlier and had two adolescent children. Lois had never been married but felt certain Jack was "the right man." As they spoke with their pastor about their engagement, they were excited about the future, about the possibilities of being a "real family."
But they also had a number of anxieties. Jack's divorce had made him wary of another marriage, and his children weren't certain they liked Lois. Lois was sure she and Jack should marry, but her family had been cold to the idea. She wanted children, but Jack wasn't sure he could handle "another round of kids."
As a pastor, I see more and more couples like Jack and Lois. People today are as enthusiastic as ever about marriage, and those who have been divorced are even more likely to get married than those who have never married: 83 percent of divorced men and 76 percent of divorced women remarry. And while many ministers offer premarital preparation, little attention has been given to the unique needs of those remarrying. Yet the statistics show they are even more in need of premarital preparation. While 35 percent of first marriages end in divorce, approximately 65 percent of remarriages end that way, many of them within the first few years.
Some time ago I recognized that the majority of my premarital counseling was being done with couples for whom this was not the first marriage. Out of my experience with these couples, let me offer some observations as a springboard for you to develop your own approach.
Clarifying Our Position
While not all remarital preparation involves divorce, most does. This meant I had to come to a clear personal stance on divorce and remarriage. ...
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