HOPE FOR HURTING MARRIAGES
Robert J. Carlson
January 1, 1986
The phone rang on a Friday afternoon. The desperate voice on the other end said, "Doctor, when can I see you? My pastor suggests I need to talk with you. Do you have a minute now?"
In the following minutes he poured out a story of torment. He had been married fourteen years and had three daughters, but in the last ten years he had been intimate with his wife only three times. He understood that the terrible abuse she had suffered at the hands of her father and cousins had placed terrible scars on her emotional being. Yet after fourteen years, he was wondering if he could continue in this relationship.
I wondered what her side of the story was and what role this man played in their nearly sexless relationship.
"Would your wife come along to see me?" I asked.
"Oh, no. She refuses counseling. She says it's my problem."
He continued, "She's in Canada now visiting her family. I don't know for sure when she'll be back, but before she returns I think I need to decide whether to see a lawyer or to hold off. Do you think you can help me?"
I paused, wondering how many pastors were hearing similar stories at this very moment. Why don't people ask for help before it's too late? Why do they wait until they're considering divorce before they seek a pastor or counselor?
I thought of the three girls. I thought of the photo album of family activities that would never make sense again. I thought of two extended families, wounded and confused by the tragedy of these torn lives. I thought of the pain and bitterness I could already sense in the untold part of the story. I thought how angry I was at adults who abuse children and expect the scars to be easily erased. I felt a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach as I remembered how I dreaded these ...
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