They Like Me, They Like Me Not
How to respond to hidden agendas and private opinions
James A Davey with Warren Bird
July 1, 1984
This article and The Sound of Clashing Expectations form a pair. Two pastors from two different denominations in two widely separated parts of the nation talk about the crunch of local-church expectations. Each has felt the invisible vise, and both have survived. Here they pass along helpful ways to manage the cross-pressures. In the course of one month I received the following comments jotted onto Fellowship Cards at our church and dropped into the offering plate: "We come to church, we pay our tithes, we read our Bibles, but none of us are going to make it to our final reward unless we start singing the 'Amen' at the end of the hymns. … " "The van did not come to the university to pick up students today. Twelve people were waiting. I'd appreciate it if you could straighten things out." "My dog is hurting. She has sores on her back." "This year's offering envelopes are too small! Must now fold a check twice to insert. What happened this year?" Well, at least these problems were out on the surface where they could be dealt with. Expectations become more serious, however, when they comprise a hidden agenda. Then they emerge at awkward, inconvenient, even embarrassing moments. Here are three common kinds: The expectation to be just like a predecessor-or the opposite. If the previous pastor preached for twenty-eight minutes, ate Tuesday lunch with the chairman of the bus committee, wore three-piece suits, drove a ten-year-old Volkswagen, and always hugged the women on New Year's Eve-look out! You can be sure some people will be offended, puzzled, and disappointed if you preach forty minutes, fast on Tuesdays, wear sweaters, drive a Delta 88, and shake hands modestly. I recall several very difficult home visits, each of them ...
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