Must Men Be Friendless?
Who are your three closest brothers?… If you have trouble thinking of names, keep reading.
Paul D. Robbins
October 1, 1984
In this first article on the male aspects of fellowship the author explains the hurdles to be crossed and then outlines what makes a good male friendship work. The article "Even Pastors Need Friends" shows how one pastor in a small Minnesota town has found three nourishing relationships. My pastor and I like to break away from busy schedules and sit, drink coffee, and talk. Periodically we meet at a nearby restaurant and chat about our families and the church; we've even been known to argue theology. Some time ago, we shared our reactions to the Olympic games and the phenomenal camaraderie of the male gymnasts. We were struck by the "special something" that happened the night of the team competition. The young men helped one another, celebrated each other's performance, and embraced each other without inhibition or embarrassment. It was different from the typical champagne-pouring, locker room revelry; the gymnasts seemed genuine friends rather than a pack of victorious wolves. I felt drawn toward them: I hung suspended as Bart Conner lowered into an iron cross; my hands tingled as they hit "high fives" following Mitch Gaylord's perfect dismount from the pommel horse; my blood surged as twelve interlocking arms celebrated the blending and bonding of team achievement. The moment was magnetic. How could two nonathletic preacher friends be pulled into such an intense display of fraternity? Usually my pastor and I don't talk about male friendship. When we do, it's about men experiencing difficulty in their relationships, men like the neurosurgeon in Alan Loy McGinnis's book The Friendship Factor. He describes a scene quite different from the telecast, a scene of loneliness and despair: "The surgeon took a deep breath, like a man ...
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