SELF DISCLOSURE: HOW FAR SHOULD A LEADER GO?
You're told to be vulnerable--to disclose yourself honestly to those around you. But like most of us you're painfully aware that honest self-disclosure can blow up in your face.
Emory A. Griffin
April 1, 1980
In my first year of high school I double-dated with my older sister and her boyfriend. We were at a coffee shop when Ralph commented that I looked flushed. As a matter of fact I did feel hot, and headachy as well. Ralph pointed out that during the night my face had broken out even more than my teenage acne warranted. When I admitted that the lights in the restaurant seemed a bit bright, he announced the obvious. I had measles.
This was a blow. Our family was scheduled to leave on a Florida vacation the next morning. My sister and I knew that as soon as our parents discovered my illness they would cancel the trip. So we conspired not to let them know. I took aspirin for the headache, covered my arms with long-sleeved shirts, and wore dark glasses outside. I stayed out of the sun and used generous quantities of talcum powder and Clearasil to mask the worst blemishes on my face. My folks never found out.
Although this is an extreme example, it represents my basic philosophy toward self-disclosure as I grew up. Summed up it would be, "Don't tell Mom!" Early patterns die hard. Today, whenever I experience strong emotions, my initial impulse is to guard my words and label my feelings TOP SECRET.
I now feel another pull, however. I am a college professor, youth leader in my church, Young Life national board member, and father. In each of these roles I know the loneliness of leadership, and I find myself uncomfortable adopting a detached stance. I have a strong desire to take others into my confidence and openly report what's going on inside me.
I'm torn, and I find that I'm not alone. The world can be a scary place. We're hesitant to share our innermost thoughts with others. Some people are willing to commit their hopes and frustrations ...
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