Seeing Yourself as Others See You
A Christian leader tells how he embarked on a self-examiniation program at the onset of his fortieth birthday.
Grayson Atha
October 1, 1980
"Grayson, sometimes you just rattle on and on and say nothing. Are you aware you do that?" I was only sixteen at the time, and the minister who made those comments was twice my age. I was hurt, but I respected the man; and after I thought about what he said, I knew he was right.
Teen-agers spend a large part of their time collecting data from friends, family, and even enemies in order to gain insight about themselves. Solving the identity crisis is a normal part of growing up. We never totally outgrow this need to discover more about who we are. Unfortunately, the intensity of the search diminishes after those formative teen-age years, and we spend the rest of our lives making do with an incomplete picture of ourselves. Thus, we're unable to deal with some very crucial questions:
¥ How do other people see me?
¥ What thoughts go through their minds when they encounter my name?
¥ To what degree does my commitment to Christ and his church suffer from a lack of balanced selfperceptions?
¥ What can I do to accelerate the process of becoming a better person?
These questions took on a special importance for me as I approached my fortieth birthday. There's really nothing special about reaching that year unless you anticipate an early mid-life crisis. From all I could tell, I wasn't in a crisis or afraid to face one. My pastoral experience has helped me accept the complicated problems people face at all stages of life.
...
Reflecting on the above questions, I concluded that what I really wanted to know was, "How well does my self-image coincide with the image others have of me?" That prompted me to action. I didn't want to guess about how others viewed me; I wanted an immediate reading so I could plug that information into my lifestyle ...
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