Six Steps to Settling Differences
After two failed attempts, I asked a pro to lead the meeting. Here's what he did.
Steve Larson
October 1, 2004
Six months into our church plant, the two most influential families had a fight. Nasty words were exchanged, battle lines drawn. Both sides began recruiting people to their cause. Something had to be done, but what? I held separate meetings with the two parties, but that just made things worse. "Lord, help me," I prayed desperately. I set up another meeting with both families. Then I witnessed a divine intervention. As I fretted over the coming confrontation, Ron knocked on my office door. Unlike others, however, he didn't come to complain. "Would you like some help holding a peace conference?" he asked. Ron is a school principal, well versed in conflict resolution. I gratefully accepted his offer. Ron led the meeting gracefully, compassionately, and thoughtfully. It was a great success. At the beginning of the "peace conference," the two sides wouldn't even look at each other. Afterward, they were laughing and hugging. Not only did he help resolve the biggest conflict we'd ever had, he taught me skills on how to deal with conflict. Here's how he did it: 1. Ice-breaker.
Ron started with a conversational tone, not a confrontational one. "We all know why we are here today," Ron began. "There is hurt in our hearts and misunderstanding in our minds. For the good of the church and the kingdom of God, we must reconcile. Before we dive into the issues, let's open with a question. I would like each of you to break up into groups of two, and discuss this question, What is your favorite hobby and why?" I know it sounds silly, but it worked. There were eight people at that meeting. After the first pairings discussed the question, he broke us up again and again, until everybody got a chance to converse over a non-jugular issue.
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